Start of fire season 2015: I call the council because the neighbours haven't mowed their empty block and it's waist-high dry grass.
Wednesday, start of fire season 2016: Four days before fire season start, the neighbours finally get the block mowed for the first time since 2015.
Thursday night: the cats have a giant freakout. We joke it was ghosts.
Sunday noon: Baggins starts throwing up a lot and gets very dehydrated. This being a rural town, there's always a vet on call, so we take him in. Blood tests are taken, he's given an anti-emetic, and he stays overnight to rehydrate. We're expecting to hear that (due to his age and breed) he's developing kidney issues, but it's a bit odd, because our older cat Aeon had kidney issues and eventually passed away, and she started by losing a lot of weight and having gum problems, and Baggins doesn't have these symptoms.
Monday afternoon: We bring Baggins home. He's quiet but okay. After much butt-sniffing, he and Chewie make friends again.
Tuesday morning: Baggins is throwing up again, so he goes back to the vet for more anti-emetic and more fluids. Blood tests aren't back yet. He is absolutely terrified of the vet, so this is not much fun for anyone involved. He comes home in the evening, feeling much better.
Wednesday morning: Baggins is doing great! He eats breakfast, doesn't throw up, frisks about and has hugs. Then we get a call from the vet: the blood tests are back and Baggins has been bitten by a snake.
Baggins is a 100% inside cat. This means that he was bitten by a snake inside the house. The snake may still be here. Cue freakout. The bite could have been any time from Thursday night to Saturday night, as cats react slowly and unpredictably to bites.
So it's back to the vet - for two or three days - for poor Baggins while he gets antivenom and supportive fluids so his kidneys can process the massive muscle breakdown without being damaged. He should be fine since he's got this far, but his creatinine levels are sky high and the antivenom will stop any further reaction while the supportive care gets him through. We're going to visit him with his favourite food, cooked shredded chicken, in about an hour.
So Schroedinger's Snake is in our house and all the snake handlers we call either don't work in this district, have retired, or in one case have gone missing(!) - we've left a message with the one remaining guy and fingers crossed he'll get back to us. The council was useless (as usual) but various local friends are getting numbers for us, none of which have worked out yet.
Meanwhile, AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I don't want to touch anything in the entire house. If it's still here - it probably isn't, since Chewie is fine - it's most likely under the fridge or behind the TV, but I can't find any holes where it could have got into the house. This is not an old house and everything is in pretty good repair, and we don't leave windows or doors open because of the inside cats.
It's probably a tiger snake. So at least it won't lay eggs. That's what I'm holding onto right now.